Gray Light

by Apart

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01:16
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02:55
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03:03

credits

released 05 June 2012

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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Track Name: Carolina Cold
The lives we mapped out with the tips of our fingers never left my passenger seat. It's winter now, the windows have started dressing themselves in ice, just thin enough to distort street lights we used to sleep by.

Now I am january, I am cold and rainy
and all our love, is waxing and waining

What is love but 'worry and waiting'?

I wish it were true that our steps would always rhyme,
that I still had something to lose,
but now the only steps I hear are mine.

All you've ever been to me is the distance I put between who I am and who I'll never be.

I know nothing but your eyes.
Track Name: Two Lane Blacktop
"I guess I'll just keep on, until I reach the sea", or anyone, anywhere, anything.

We all mean nothing to someone but someone else always means less, we're all a little bit better than the one before and selfish enough to feel blessed. A few more promises for what's in store. Angry with empty words, women, the weight of the world.

It's another number on the clock, another mile, another night on this two lane blacktop. And my eyelids are begging my hands to stop, but I'll keep driving until I outrun god. It's on my shoulders now, I can see the light and the shade. The street lights that always look the same, the exit signs reflecting off of my face. Every cigarette igniting the pavement of the interstate...

Now I'm begging to drown in this escape, and I'd kill myself to be buried in your good grace. I've even tried a few times but could never to find the strength. Now these scars and nights in parked cars have claimed my name, and chained my veins.

I need the northeast cold, and the nights on my own
The salem skies and the skyline's moans
Your song in every street reminding me I'm still walking home alone...
Track Name: Play On, Soft Pipes
...so freckles, tell me where I went wrong. I'll do anything, I'll be anyone to get back to where I feel I belong to go back before I kept writing the same fucking song.

These days it seems, I have to catch my breath
these nights have turned into meditation without rest

So home is living like a man on the run
now my chest neglects to protect these bruised and broken lungs
and my voice still cracks to those songs we sung
now I am not anyone's anyone
maybe later, in another 12 months
I'll stop placing blame, regressing.

I am not anyone

I am my own setting sun
sinking beneath the weight
of a skyline dressed in green and gold
I am dragging these nails in my hand all the way home

I'm so tired of carrying crosses
losing sleep and counting losses

Now I'm left with this hole that I'm trying to fill, but nothing comes close and nothing ever will
So if there're any options, I've yet to exhausted
I'll fill in the spaces and excavate fossils
and carry around the last three years in my pockets
and break my back under the weight of these crosses
and make believe I don't keep time by watching losses
when in the end, I am not anyone, I am nothing.
Track Name: Candles and Calendars
I've been keeping time by candles and calendars, and having dreams that I can actually remember. Like the one I can't shake where I didn't walk away, and the ones where I give far more than I take.

I can see you now. Your hair spun around the sun. Your hands on my veins as if to say, just breathe:

Nothing's here to stay.

Where's the tan skin?
Where's the sun?
Where's the shade?
Where's the sweat?

How much longer before your skin falls off and I can forget?

I always saw everything I ever wanted with my head in your lap,
now I only see mirrors I pass after they've claimed what they ask.
I always sang loudest when your ears caught my voice...

Everyone has their days, but this just isn't my year,
and if I had anything to lose, well would I still be here?

I've been often straining and throwing my voice
into the faces of strangers who only hear it as noise
So of course then I'd quit, if acceptance coined my birth but I'm as far from accepted, for who I am and what I've learned...

as I'll ever be.
Track Name: Sick of Sunlight
I am eyelids on strings A face composed of stained skin.

Too close to everything. Too lost to let it sink in.

Now kiss me with your teeth, lose your fingers in the skin of my back while you search for the spine I've been told I lack.

I'm sorry but you're just a reflection
just another bed sore, self inflicted
another broken mirror carving expressions
a pile of white lies held in dishonest connections
And I'm told it's because of repression
that I hate feeling stuck more than regressing
and now I can't tell the difference
between transgression
and an honest confession

I am just another scorched earth, another parched heart. The fields I've claimed are all weathered and stark. Now I'm just another drunk in a choir pretending to preach, "everything means nothing to me".
Track Name: Blindfolds
God's got his hopes up but I'm just staring at the ceiling. It's a shame his attention seems so unappealing.

The spine - of this - story - is split - in half
I've turned - pages - from front - to back.
(over and over)
from front - to back
(over and over)

Searching for the grace I've been told I lack, another morning comes, another devil laughs.

Dig a hole in the earth, fill it with your demons.
Drop the memories in, along with whatever reasons.

and when you lower the coffin, sealed with loss
fill it with dirt, carve my name in the cross.
Track Name: Gray Light
It sinks in. The stares as I pace. The red of my eyes throughout the almost empty hallways. The phone call that ended my faith. It all sinks in and I start to drown with it.

I start to wonder when it happened did you see the sun?
Or did you land on your chest, your face in the dirt,
did you say a thing?
Even last words are only words.

Because I feel less and less.

When the songs we sing make it to heaven, would our long lost friends hear them or even listen?
Do our words get lost in the clouds? Are we wasting our breath singing so loud?
Aren't we just like God? Wasting our breath?

Does it leave you worried?
(from time to time)
Does it keep your hands shaking?
(like it does mine)
Does it break your heart?
(to leave your friends behind)

I shook hands with your mother today
I heard her faith couldn't carry the weight
I heard your spirit, I heard your voice break

It was soccer, it was drinking,
it was acting to old for our age, only 16
always thinking why wasn't it me?
it should have been me.

The church pews, and their faces
the silence, the spaces
where the light leaks in
where the light leaked in

I'll always look
I'll always hope for some light to leak in.
Track Name: Dead Air
The leaves are changing along with your convictions.
We're in this together now, but we both know which one's the victim, and there's this aching in my chest from my heart beat's friction.

I keep telling myself, not again, not again, oh god not this one

I'm wrapped up in sheets too bare to stay warm against wind, that breaks the skin and let's the cold in. Now the air holds my breath for me since I've got nothing left for to breathe.

But even the air lets go...